oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
