lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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