Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
