and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
