i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
