dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
