You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Randomize