think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
this beer tastes like vomit already
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
