I puked a lego.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
At least life still wants to fuck me.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
