you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
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