Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
