I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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