why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
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