can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
she looked like the before picture.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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