Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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