So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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