I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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