My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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