Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
