I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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