I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
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