Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
