ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
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i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
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One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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