Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
