Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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