god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
