If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
