The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
