honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I know her cup size but not her name....
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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