Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
