Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
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I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
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I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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