There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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