she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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