Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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