She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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