Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
