i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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