Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
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