Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
