So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
