I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
