I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
