She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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