I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
