I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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