I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
