you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize