you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
