I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
