ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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