Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
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