I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
