Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
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