we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
