Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
