I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize