I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
