So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
