I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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