Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
