remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
