are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize