I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize