I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Randomize
