I accidentally burped into my bong.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
