worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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